Ah, isn’t travel wonderful? The fantastical landscapes, the exquisite foods, the devastating weight of euphoric endorphins followed by crushing depression after falling in love with yet another stranger in a hostel dorm room. What can I say? I’m a sucker for travel romances. There’s just something about these phenomena, these fleeting connections sparked amidst the backdrop of unfamiliar landscapes and shared exploration, that make them so alluring and difficult to shake. So difficult in fact that I still think about them, even now.
When I was in Romania, I met a girl named Jen in my hostel through the Hostelworld group chat. It turned out we’d actually already crossed paths and ignored each other, ha! More on the beauty of the Hostelworld group chat later.
Jen and I went out for brunch together and within the first ten minutes of sipping chai lattes and eating shakshuka, we were spilling our travel romance love stories. There’s nothing like a brunch with a side of love. Jen and I ended up starting our own travel friendship romance. Two days later we got matching tattoos, two days after that we ditched our respective travel plans and travelled to Serbia together, and about seven days after that in Belgrade, we each received the same dreaded message from our travel romances on the exact same day:
“I think you’re great, but I don’t see this working in the long run. Let’s still be friends though.”
– Our Travel Romances
Jen and I went out for sad girl ice cream that night and ended up laying on the hostel floor together laughing maniacally and scaring away our roommates. Because even though we were loveless and sad, at least we had each other. And even though we were loveless, sad, and together, at least we’d gotten to experience the magic of a travel romance during our lifetimes, right?
But what makes travel romances so special?
The Time Constraint Intensifies Emotions:
- Travel romances are time-sensitive and intense. You’re in a foreign place filled with foreign people and foreign languages and then across the room your eyes meet with a beautiful specimen of a human and your heart pounds, and you think yes, I can find a home in this person even if it is only for a short amount of time. The shorter the time, the more intense the travel romance. Knowing that time is limited creates a sense of urgency to savour every moment, leading to an emotional depth that might take much longer to develop in conventional relationships. Every “first” is sped up because in three days you’ll be saying goodbye for an indefinite amount of time. You have your first date two minutes after you meet. Your first kiss that evening. Your first splurge on an Airbnb the next night. IYKYK Wink. And it’s intense because in those three days, you’re feeling happiness and security that you haven’t felt since you started this adventure. The endorphins are flowing and you’re experiencing new lands and new firsts and new milestones together with this person who was virtually a stranger twenty-four hours ago. And it’s the intensity that makes it so magical. When you think about it, travel romances are like Cinderella stories. Once the clock strikes midnight, you’re back to reality. But for a short time, you can travel like you’re a couple. You can lift each other up and explore places you wouldn’t have seen alone. You can feel at home when you’re a million miles away from your physical home
They Feel Like Home:
- Travel romances are like temporary homes. We all get homesick, especially when we’re travelling in foreign places for extended periods. And when they say, “home is where the heart is,” they’re not talking about houses. Home is the people that make us feel completely secure and comfortable and happy. Most of the time home is our family or friends, but sometimes home is a stranger from a free walking tour who made all our troubles feel non-existent for a day. And isn’t that such a wonderful thing? That you can find complete solace in the arms of a stranger. Five minutes of talking feels like five years of knowing each other. Your hand in theirs feels like it’s where it belongs. Their laughter at your jokes sounds like a heavenly orchestra. When you’re travelling, there are some days that are lonely and cold even when you’re seeing some of the most amazing sights, simply because you’re alone. That’s why there’s a beautiful alchemy that occurs when you find someone to share the adventure with. The thrill of navigating unfamiliar streets, trying exotic foods, and discovering hidden gems together forms a unique bond that transcends ordinary connections. So, when you find your home, no matter how temporary, it feels like magic.
The Freedom to Be Authentic:
- One of the allures of travel is the freedom to embrace our authentic selves. In real life we can sometimes find ourselves hiding behind masks, conforming to societal expectations and the constraints of our everyday lives. But on the road and in the comfort of a common room where nobody knows our name, we can embrace vulnerability and openness. The freedom to develop authentic connections based on genuine emotions and shared experiences, paired with the enchantment of a mysterious tall, dark, and handsome stranger, makes the whole experience that much more magical.
The Art of Serendipity:
Serendipity: the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way.
- Serendipity, with its whimsical touch, often plays a starring role in travel romances. Encountering someone unexpectedly in a foreign land, drawn together by chance encounters or shared interests or a whole combination of unfortunate circumstances, adds a touch of magic to these connections. The idea that fate played a role in bringing two people together enhances the romantic narrative.
- When I was in China, I missed a train. And then I missed another train. And I slept in a bed with tiny bugs. And I got a train station pick-up at 10:00 at night with this family in a minivan. And I locked myself out of my room. And I broke down on a train station floor. And my phone died on the bus while trying to find my hostel. And I had to rely on the kindness of so many strangers and so much generosity to get to my destination. But once I arrived, I ended up meeting a guy at the top of a mountain. He invited me to watch a Chinese Opera and that night still remains as the best date of my life. And it never would have happened if I hadn’t missed those trains or gotten locked out of my room or slept in a bed with tiny bugs. It was the combination of everything shit with everything wonderful that made that night so spectacular. Serendipity: the foundation of every beautiful travel romance.
They’re Educational:
- Travel romances are more than just personal connections, they’re educational. They’re a learning experience in so many ways. You learn to open up to strangers; their cultures and customs; their views of the world; their lives and their stories; their loves and their losses; and their diverse backgrounds. You learn to give a piece of yourself to someone new, and you accept little pieces of everyone you meet too.
The Impermanence:
Pro:
- You already know the end date. Isn’t that the scary thing about real-world relationships? You fall in love and you give your heart to another person and you plan your future together and then one day one of you wakes up and decides this just ain’t it, leaving the other person heartbroken and sad and crying on a hostel floor with their version of Jen. Real-world relationships are scary because well, this is the real world with real-world consequences and real-world futures. But travel romances… they’re like fairytale romances. There are no real-world connotations because by midnight they will be gone and all you’ll have left is their glass slipper. Or in my case, a sock. Comfort over fashion, amiright? Anyway, the impermanence of travel romances, while bittersweet, contributes to their enchantment. Recognizing that this connection is just a wonderful chapter within the larger story of life encourages us to appreciate the romance for what it is—an exquisite and ephemeral moment in time.
Con:
- You already know the end date. We enter these travel romances with caged hearts and realistic expectations that once we part, that’s it. We find beauty in the present, immersing ourselves in these temporary love stories with zero expectations and zero baggage. But every once in a while there will be one person. The one where you fall madly in love over the span of three days and you can picture your lives together in forty years teasing each other in a nursing home, telling all the other retirees about how you met in a hostel common room in Montenegro. And this is the painful aspect of travel romances. For all their love and joy, comes sadness and despair. For all those moments spent kissing in the rain and traipsing through seaside ruins, will be moments spent rolling on the floor cry-laughing with your version of Jen. Because travel romances are tricky to convert into real-world romances. For starters there’s logistics. Who will compromise for who? Our travel lives don’t always translate easily into our real-world lives. Sometimes it’s easier just to accept them for the temporary magic they are. Of course then comes the sadness that accompanies goodbyes, especially if you’re not sure if you’ll ever see them again. But the impermanence simply adds to the magic of travel romances, at least that’s what I tell myself to get to sleep at night.
They’re Nostalgic:
- Travel romances are often accompanied by a potent dose of nostalgia. The memories of shared sunsets, nights spent frolicking through medieval arches, and the image of their smiles lasting long after the journey ends, reappearing every time you hear a particular song. Nostalgia transforms the romance into a cherished chapter, a nostalgic retreat into a time when everything felt beautifully uncertain.
They’re for the Plot:
- Travel Romances are part of the adventure. Do it for the plot. Imagine when you’re sixty telling your grandchildren about that time you road-tripped around Montenegro with a dashing Australian you met in a hostel common room; piggybacking through medieval streets, exploring abandoned ruins beside sleepy highways, pretending to get engaged by lapping turquoise waters in seaside towns (I would have said yes, by the way. After knowing this stranger for two days, I would have said yes if he’d asked me to marry him). You’re going to be the cool grandparent. The grandparent who always said yes. The grandparent who took risks. The grandparent who had so many great love stories their grandchildren felt inspired to find their own. I’ve travelled to over thirty countries, and I can positively say that it’s the people that make the country. The people you meet, the people who smile at you from behind shop counters, the people who welcome you into their hostels. It’s the people you meet. And some of my favourite countries to this day are because of the people I met there.
To Conclude:
My parents always taught me never to talk to strangers. But if I never talked to strangers, I never would have ended up on a bridge between Cairo and Giza at three in the morning with my flight attendant. If I never talked to strangers, I never would have found myself sitting by a canal in Amsterdam with a man I had just met, talking about our respective loves and heartaches. If I never talked to strangers, I never would have experienced some of the most magical and life-changing travel romances of my life.
So, go for that travel romance. Even if it goes nowhere, especially if it goes nowhere. Find love and adventure and a home in another soul for a while. Even if you just do it for the plot.